My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
