how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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