Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
