her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
