dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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