I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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