Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
