I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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