Im at strip club and am horny
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
