Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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