She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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