He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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