So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
