So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
