they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
