we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
