My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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