I just saw a hot homeless man
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
