There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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