I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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