I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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