I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I need moral support for this bender
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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