The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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