is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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