They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
