Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
