even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
