its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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