I wish I could teleport
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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