my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize