the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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