I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
