I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
its not stalking. its research.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
