No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize