Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
