Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
