i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
