Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
