no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just cut my nipple shaving
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
