My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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