Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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