Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
