That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
