A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
