physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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