if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
