Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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