I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
