you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
