Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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