Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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