I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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