Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
