I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
