Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
