already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
