it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
