Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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