You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
