I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize