There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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