there's paper in my vomit.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
