Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
