also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Vodka?
Forever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
