Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
